Greetings ‘seekers’! This is your trustworthy author, Carl Freedom, reporting to you live for CQ360. We interrupt your regularly scheduled Kardashian internet browsing to bring you this very important public service announcement. It has been brought to our attention that murderous monsters are on the loose, and have attempted to disguise themselves as civilians. Authorities are considering these beasts to be highly dangerous, and advise witnesses to stay clear of their paths, shut their closet doors, and report the matter to someone with a high pitched scream.
These enduring legends have been on the lam for many seasons. The Draucula, and his powers of seduction no longer hide behind a cape, but cloaks himself in collar popped polos or button-downs. Eyewitnesses have also reported seeing Dracula walking in broad day light wearing a protective top coat while counting sheep.
Frankenstein has grunted together his very own gang of style hooligans; also known as “The Horror”. To avoid being apprehended, the 7 foot strangler has taken refuge behind cubicles of various office buildings, and has foregone numerous reconstructive surgeries. The real Frankenstein can now only be identified by his corrective shoes, and his violent tantrums with the coffee maker.
Our reporters have provided us with this snapshot of The Creature from the Black Lagoon; minutes before he kidnapped the woman to a watery grave. The most savage of the immortal bunch, the gilled man’s frayed fins are a distinctive trait local citizens are told to be aware of.
And finally, we have the two most elusive monstrosities of “The Horror” gang: The Invisible Man, and The Mummy. Both of whom share similar features. The Mummy, because he hasn’t a brain, remains clothed in Ace bandages circa 1300 BC. His slow movements make it easy for him to remain at large in a fast paced culture. The Invisible Man, on the other hand, has shown great efforts to conceal his identity. Authorities have warned the community to remain vigilant around men wearing lensless eyeglasses. The Invisible Man has taken on the sophisticated, fun, and youthful personas to charm his way into bank accounts of senior citizens. Although he appears nonthreatening, sources say he is a crazed individual whose true identity will give way while watching a Lakers basketball game.
Thank you all for tuning in. I am Carl Freedom, and this has been a public service announcement for CQ360. Until next time…nos vemos!
This is Paolo Gerani for Iceberg Fall 2012….disheveled & sexy. Kate King at 7:31
Fashion Word-Em-Up: There is no monster as scary as a gentleman without manners, love, and a well fitted suit.