Wear Is Your Identity

27 Feb

I once knew a man named “L.A Teddy B”.  Teddy B was an 87 year old retired beau, a cavalier ‘dressed to the nines’, a real Southern-playerlistic-Cadillac-cruising pimp of a business owner.  He moved to Los Angeles from Oakland and with the help of his girlfriends he set up Tricky T’s; a men’s boutique.  He started making alterations and then moved to selling flamboyant articles of clothing to procurers all over the westcoast.  Over time, his 3 sons joined him and the company flourished.  Soon, the shop was tremendously profitable and his sons wanted to float Tricky T’s on the Stock Exchange.  “Yo! Pop,” they called, “we need to establish a financial basis for Tricky T’s.  How should we determine costs and assets? How do we establish value?”  Teddy B thought for a while then replied, “Go down to the basement and bring me the box behind the boiler.  You should find a pair of tan rattlesnake accented Stacy Adams with a 3 inch heel inside.  Then go upstairs and bring down my two-toned crushed velvet pants and popcorn knit Hi-lo shirt”.  The sons did as they were told.  L.A Teddy B dressed himself with pride.  He paraded in front of the mirror with all his swagger and said, “These are what I started with.  Everything else is profit.”

You see, L.A Teddy B wasn’t a college graduate but he worked hard at his craft as a pick up artist in order to maintain his hustle.  A hustle that supported his love for women.  A hustle that educated him about the mysterious ways of gentlewomen.  He used to tell me, “one of the key techniques of the game is approach! approach! approach! and how best to master it then with a great sense of style…you don’t even have to say a word and your foot is already in the door”.

So without further ado, this post is dedicated to my imaginary muse L.A Teddy B and men’s wear.

This first show is Vivienne Westwood’s Fall/Winter 2011 men’s collection.  I HATE the lipstick they put on the guys!  They should’ve smeared it across their lips, neck or cheeks. I like the first 5 or 7 suits minus the baggy crotches and high waisted pants.  Great color combinations and lots of interesting pieces from Vivienne, much respect.

Prada Fall/Winter 2011 men’s collection.  No soundtrack. This entire collection was horrendous.  Fanny packs!? Prada needs their ass beat.

Etro Fall/Winter 2011.  Lots of cream and tan. I can dig that.  Bow ties and suspenders. Okay I’m feeling it. Cowhide oxfords? Etro doing their thing this time around.  Man purse? Get out of here! I like the soundtrack.

Fashion-Word-Em-Up: Try to make your comments like a woman’s skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting.


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