Zippity Doo Button Me Yay

10 Feb

The great debate. To zipper or not to zipper; that is the question. There’s something about the zip that’s becoming unflattering to me. From a women’s dress to a man’s sweater no matter the designer the zipper is incongruous. Although it is practical, I can’t get passed the prominent industrial scar that runs down the middle of a Natasha Poly sashaying woman.

Buttons, on the other hand bring a sense of joviality. There are so many styles to choose from. Pewter, brass, ivory, silver metal buttons. Celluloid, bakelite, lucite plastic buttons. Wood, horn, hard rubber, and mother of pearl natural buttons. I could go on like Bubba Gump could shrimp about buttons. In spite of that, the zipper has only one designer…”YKK”. I ask myself “Who is YKK”? And why hasn’t he come up with something less threatening to men than these interlocking metal teeth?

All in all, I prefer buttons. Not only because it adds style to your wardrobe, but because a woman in a pair of slim fitting 501 button-fly jeans and stilettos…well lets just say, I better shut my mouth and leave you with some polite ways to tell someone their zipper is down jokes.

#10. The cucumber has left the salad

#9. Quasimodo needs to get back to the tower and tend to his bells

#8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

#7. Paging Mr. Johnson…Paging Mr. Johnson

#6. Elvis has left the building.

#5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

#4. My friend needs no introduction.

#3. We’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones

#2. Men may be from Mars…but we see something that rhymes with Venus

#1. You’ve got your eye set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary”

My Fashion-Word-em-up: Blouses with buttons down the front suggest the possibilities of the word undone

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